Not Your Mother's Turkey

I would like to introduce you to the newest member of our family, Carlos. Carlos is our Thanksgiving Day turkey. Imagine my surprise yesterday when I went to pick Carlos up at the butcher and came face to umm...body with a 40 lb turkey!

I had asked the butcher for a turkey that would feed 13 people. I had hoped for a 7 kilo (15 lb) bird, but would had been perfectly happy with 6, 8 or 9. How did I end up with a bird weighing four times that amount?



In America I would have simply refused to take the bird. Things are a little different in Italy. We live in a small town and the butcher slaughtered Carlos for the sole purpose of our Thanksgiving feast. Not wanting to make what the Italians call a "brutta figura" (a bad figure), I accepted Carlos. All eyes were on me when I left the shop with a turkey the size of a toddler!

I went to pick Carlos up on my bike. I had hoped that he would fit inside of my basket. Instead, Carlos was placed into the blue crate and secured with tape. The crate was placed on the back of my bike. I walked home with one hand firmly on Carlos while using my free hand to push the bike. The extra weight of the turkey made it difficult to balance the bike with one hand. I had visions of losing balance, spilling Carlos onto the street and being mauled by the turkey hungry neighborhood cats. All of this while the old men in the piazza watched in horror, unable to avert their eyes from the bloody mess that was once me and Carlos!

Carlos and I made it home safely and without tragedy. I hauled his heavy carcass into the house where I was met by two curious cats. I needed to know if Carlos would fit into the oven. I placed him on the oven rack (he was in a plastic bag) and was shocked to see the oven rack begin to bend from the added weight. The good news is that he ALMOST fits. It is nothing that a little twine can't fix.

What really makes me angry is that we told the butcher the size of our oven when we ordered the bird (our bird last year almost didn't fit). He says he called around, but that Carlos was smallest bird he could find. The butcher informed me that he had removed the bird's breast bone so that it would fit into the oven. He was so proud of himself that I tried to hide my disappointment when I saw the deformed bird.


So now I have a 40 pound monster turkey with a sunken in chest which over exaggerates the two gigantic legs that stick straight up into the air. This bird looks like he is waiting for a pelvic exam!

I have been given some great advise by my fellow expatriates at expats.com. I still don't know what I am going to do. I really feel like I could just cry, but the darn thing is just too freaking funny! In the meantime, Carlos is resting comfortably in the refrigerator. Of course I had to remove two shelves just so he would fit!